Erin Lavonne: Pregnancy Experience
Today is a special day because we have a guest blogger here at heyitsmekmac.com. I met Erin during an interesting spring break experience in PCB. Little did I know that the two encounters that I had with her would turn into birthday party and wedding invites. We both attended the same school and worked for the same company at different locations at one point. Another thing we shared is unexpectedly getting pregnant during our senior year in college. The way our lives have lined up but have been completely different is kind of trippy. We both can probably agree that no one expected us “party girls” to ever pop out mini’s as soon as we did. I thought it would be fun to invite Erin to my blog and share her pregnancy experience and provide a different experience for you. So, welcome Erin….
Doctor, I think you may have made a mistake...
Oh boy, here we go. So, let me set the scene for you. I just turned 21, got my own apartment, had a cute boyfriend, and a cabinet I had just legally fully stocked with Pink Moscato, Tequila and Beefaroni (ya know, real adult stuff). I was a senior in college, I had two great jobs, a great social life, my body was snatched, and my hair was laiddd. And with all of this “greatness” I had in my life you could not convince me that in just a few days my whole life would be turned upside down.
I confirmed I was pregnant exactly 30 minutes after my first class of my first semester of my last year in college. I knew I was pregnant the weekend before. I had a night of drinking with my best friend for her birthday. For some reason when I took a sip of the alcohol it made my stomach burn. I know that makes no sense, but something felt off. I tucked the thought away because my period wasn’t due until Monday and I just took my NuvaRing out. There also was that time when I was younger when a doctor said it may be hard for me to conceive because of scar tissue from my excessive UTIs... so I’m good right? Well guess who didn’t show up Monday? I had only been dating my boyfriend for less than a year and we were long distance, I was scared to tell him because I wasn’t sure how he would feel. So, I didn’t tell him about my suspicions. However, when I peed on that Dollar Tree stick (or should I say sticks) I called him immediately and was hysterical.
He was just as confused and scared as me but also, he was so supportive. That was him throughout the entire process and to this day I love him for being the rock in the situation because lord knows I was not so easily accepting. I was disappointed. This wasn’t something that was planned or something that I wanted for myself at that moment. I felt I had let my family down, I was going to have to quit one of my jobs, school was going to be hard, there’d be financial strain, physical changes, self- disappointment, and let’s not forget that I had to be someone’s mom.
I hid my pregnancy for a while. I was five months when I finally announced I was pregnant. Why did I wait so long? I wasn’t ready to accept it myself. I asked the doctor every month if she was really sure I was pregnant. She laughed the first couple of times but after a while she grew weary of what she probably assumed was my attempt at humor. However, I was dead serious.
I felt bad for not being happy. It was a blessing I conceived against all the odds and after all, I was kind of an adult and it could’ve been worse, right? I saw so many people going through pregnancy as a single mom and dealing with negligent baby fathers. So, I constantly was told how I should be happy because “at least I had a good man by my side”. At least? What about my dreams and my aspirations? Am I supposed to get over those quickly because I got the least out of a situation? I was thankful for him, but that didn’t make anything less hard with my pregnancy or our relationship.
Since both of us were in our senior year neither one of us were willing to relocate, it just didn’t make sense when we were that close to the finish line. So, majority of my pregnancy and my first 9 months of motherhood was spent 8 hours away from him. And since I knew this would be difficult from the start it gave me so much anxiety that I could not find myself having a completely stress-free pregnancy. I began to reflect this energy of frustration and fear onto him at times and it did begin to affect our relationship in the way that I became a tad bit unenjoyable. I found myself often hanging over his head that I’d be doing things alone for a long time while he gets to enjoy his senior year. Of course, this wasn’t the case exactly. He tried hard to be there for us. We had become his first and favorite priority and yet I still felt like I couldn’t shake the frustration. I eventually realized that it was an internal thing that I had to work out. And ultimately decided the hard work would be worth it in the end.
There were so many odds up against me while I was pregnant that could have easily kept me down. I was discriminated against at work, I was hit by a drunk driver in a car accident that could’ve took my life, and there were people that literally just wished me, and the baby ill will. I even had a manager say I could fall down a flight of stairs for all he cares. The devil was trying, but as usual he lost. My baby girl came in strong and healthy despite all odds, including the true knot in her umbilical cord. Majority of my first year of motherhood I was essentially a single mom and it was hard. I exclusively breastfed, had sore nipples all the time, got no sleep, went to work early and had to write research papers with one hand at most times. But even though I lacked physical support from my then boyfriend now fiancé, he never lacked emotionally. And now, I can honestly say it was worth it. Motherhood has been hard and having her dad by my side doesn’t always help with the internal conflict I have but all in all he is amazing and a huge help and support in our little family.
And as far as my Jaylee Mae, she is the best thing I never saw coming.
I appreciate Erin for taking the time to collaborate with me on this post. Pregnancy and motherhood is a different experience for all women and I believe it is important to recognize that. Be sure to keep up with Erin’s blog here.