How To Guide for Dating A Single Mom
Dating is a tricky field to journey through. When you add a child into the situation, wild expectations from social media, and just life, things can turn into a jumbled chaotic puzzle rapidly. There are a lot of twenty something women who are handling parenting pretty much solo. This can make dating non-existant or just something someone doesn't want to pursue due to all the added factors.
Since being a mother, I haven't dated too much but, I have dated enough to understand the baseline of things. I obviously have encountered more shouldn’ts then shoulds while dating because I am still single. For me, dating hasn't been the most pleasant experience. It takes a lot of energy and if the person you are pursuing isn't fully on the same page, its a recipe for disaster. Also, the first year of mom life is tough. I wasn't too focused on dating then because I had my hands full. Now, I have gained the ability to bob and weave through the random catastrophes that happen on a daily basis with a toddler. This is allowing me a little more freedom to have the thought about dating and being interested.
If you are finding yourself attracted to a single mother, here are something things that you should consider before entering that war zone of obstacles.
Her time is valuable
Think about it. If she is with you, she is taking important time away from her child, random chores that need to be done, or errands that need to ran. There really is no such thing as free time in the mom world, especially single mom world. However, if she is making the time for you….that’s BIG, so appreciate it. Don't be late, understand she won't always be free at the drop of a dime, and show her that you are grateful she is taking the time out to see you.
Honesty and transparency is key
Okay, so obviously there are a lot of added factors here. Being honest about your fears in the relationship and being open to hear her side is important. Ask questions and listen. Be honest about your intentions and what you are expecting. Why waste time when you can be honest from the beginning? This is truly valuable in any relationships. If you can't communicate open and honestly, the relationship will struggle.
This is a big added factor. Whether the dad is in the picture or not, he’s still the dad. More than likely, there will be some form of communication between the two. I advise that there should always be a level of respect for that relationship because honestly he’s always going to be the father. This is where communication comes in because there should be a conversation about the relationship that the two share. It should be clear and if there are any concerns you should feel free to speak on it.
There’s a level of maturity
You cannot date someone with a child if you don't have some kind of maturity. If you can't go to the store and figure out what kind of paper towels to buy, you don't need to pursue someone with a child. She doesn't want to have to take care of two children. She is a mother raising a little human in this world, she more than likely doesn't have time for the childish games that other twentysomethings play when dating. She is also probably looking for a more serious kind of commitment.
Step-parents are great people but understand that's not the role you will play right away. If anything she will probably be super cautious or turned off if you jump the gun too quickly by trying to put yourself in that role or trying to include her child into things. Most of the time when dating a single mom she will want to take things slowly and isn't necessarily looking for someone to play dad. I’m sure she will consider if you would be a good fit for that role down the line but at the beginning that is not expected.
I don't recommend necessarily bring up the child first. Allow her to bring up the child when she feels most comfortable and once she does shows interest. I mean her child is a huge part of her life and if you are unwilling to listen to her mom rants, how are things going to work? I know it may be difficult to understand all the ups and downs if you aren't a parent yourself but at least supporting her with an open ear goes a long way.
Moms are expected to wear different hats at all times. That’s why dating is out of the picture for most with young children but it’s still a desire. This relationship dynamic will have its obstacles and fears. It takes a certain kind of understanding and patience to make this situation prosperous and successful. I say if you feel like you have these capabilities down, go for it. Moms need love to!